Category Archives: Adventures of Mittins

fables of mitton

Christhams Eve Cauldron Special !

xmas mitties

The Magic Cauldron this morning was a Christhams Eve Extravaganza, with Mitties joined by old friand (and caretaker of our sister show on Thursday Nights), Jarrod !

If you want to hear Christhams songs, Mittins Christhams Tale, an authentic telephone conversation with Santa Claus, and the never heard before Christhams Rap performed by Mitties & Jarrod (from their forthcoming album) you should click here right now !

Our Playlist:

Whats This – Jack o Lantern

Christmas in the City – Marvin Gaye

This Christmas – Donny Hathaway

Little Drummer Boy – Johnny Cash

Soulful Christmas – James Brown

Jesus Christ – Big Star

Santa Claus Wants Some Lovin’ – Sir Mack Rice

A Holiday Wish – Steve Martin

Feliz Navidad – Reggae Christhams !

Santa Claus Go Straight To The Ghetto – James Brown

Last Christhams – George Michael

Mary Christhams Story. by Mittins. (you can read it here)

You’re All I Want For Christmas – Brook Benton

A New Deal For Christhams – from ‘Annie’ the Musical !

Jingle Bells – The George Mitchell Minstrels

Santa Interview !

Christmas In Hollis – Run DMC

Mary Christhams Rap ! by Mittins.

Snoopys Xmas – The Royal Guardsmen

Merry Christmas Santa (You’re a Lovely Guy) – Max Headroom

Jingle Bells – Nat King Cole

Muppet Christhams – The Muppets

12 Days of Christhams – John Denver & The Muppets

Mary Christhams to everybady who ever came here or still does, sorry it has been so infrequent the past few months.

mary xhams friand

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Christhams Countdown : Dec 23

mittins is an elf

Mary Christhams Story. by Mittins.

once upon a time livesd a baby wizard called mittins. mittins was glorious and also very good at everything. mittins favourite was chritshams ! and every time, mittins worked very very hard for being ready for christhams.

this year was no different. mittins wore teh christhams outfit everyaday and built toys. at the end of the day mittins would be so tired, and mittins lungs would be filled with poiosonous fumes so mittins would drink a glass of water and go to bed and motar would shake mittins awake in the morning and mitins would take new pills.

then on chrithams eve, mittins worked so hard that it was eleven thirty in the night and mittins was still awake ! “oh no” thought mmittins, “i need to be in bed before midnight or santa will catch me and put me in his sack and give me to angelina jolie for christhams !” so mittins worked faster and faster and tried as hard as mittins ever could. but before mittins could wrap all of the presents, the clock struck midnight oh no oh no hoh no no no no no no screamed mittins !

but it was too late. santa came down the chimney and hit mittins on the head with a baseball bat. santa put mittins in the sack and flew in his sleigh all the way to ameraica and into alngelina jolies house. he went down the chimney and put mittins under the tree, very gently.

in the morning mittins woke up and everything was black. mittins was wrapped up in christhams paper ! “oh no no o h no oh no” screamed mittins ! “it came true it came true !”

“thats right” said angelina jolie as she unrwapped mittins. “you are mine now. and now we have to go and get our photo taken for the magazines.”

angelina jolie took mittins to the tabloid factory. mittins was very frightened. what would happen ! a man started taking photos. the other childran looked frightened also. except for one who had no eyes.

all of a sadden the man in the factory ripped off his face ! it was hennifer anitson ! “ah ha!” said hennifer. “ive caought you angelina jolie!” angelina said “what!” hennifer said “i riped off my face i am hennifer anitson !” “oh i ssee!” said angelina jolies. then she pulled out a gun and aimed it at hennifer.

but then cortuney cox jumped on top of angelina from the sky ! “i am hennifers best frieand!” said courtuney. “oh no!” said angelina. they wrestled. hennifer freed the children and they ran and ran. then hennifer started to pulls the hairs out of angelinas body.

“mittins!” said hennifer. “why are nt you running away!” mittins looked at the wrestling for a bit. then mittins ran and ran and ran as far and far away as ever was possible. and then mittins was home.

“motar motar motar!” screamed mittins. i was so frightened! “hallo mittins” said motar. “i am in bed watching television”. mittins ran under the blankets. “oh mary christhams mittins!” said motar. and they laughed and laughed. and then they had an icecream.

HTE END

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Christhams Countdown : Dec 22

There is nothing I like to do more in the Christhams Season, when i am not doing anything else, than check out some fine Christhams Ascii Art !

ascii
A little helper making toys !
santa ascii
Santa Claus !
santas angel
Santas Angel !
xmas ascii 1
Some people who really like Christhams !
snowman ascii
a snowman !
santas whore
Santas Whore !
santa ascii
Santa again.

Mitties x

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Christhams Countdown : Dec 21

Christhams Countdown continues today, with my annual showing of old letters to Santa.

For many a time, since I was beginning to grow up too fast, I have written letters to Santa and left milk and cookies on my mantelpiece. I generally make it a rule to be asleep before midnight, because Santa is shy and doesnt like to be seen, also it is against the rules anyway. If you break the rules, you dont get anything, and you have to do all the dishes and sit on the floor.

to santa
199something 
letters to santty
200something 

Mitties x x

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Christhams Countdown : Dec 20

christhams !

Everybady want a present, and love, but what did you do this year to earn Santas generosity? Below I am making my second Christhams list – all the good things I did this year. These are the things that put Mitties into the NCIE list. Also, NICE.

1. I got a proper job.

2. One time I saw an old lady walking up a steep hill and turned around to look at her and thought positive thoughts so she would get up the hill.

3. I Prayed every night.

4. I Stopped trashing the wizard gypsies, aloud.

5. I Cleaned my room.

6. I Caused littler trouble to my Motar (August-September).

7. I Smiled at strangers.

8. I thought alot about charities.

Even though I have done many many good things this year to make me nice and need alot of presents, it is always a good idea to do something very very good close to Christhams time, just to remind peoeple that you deserve the bigger presents. My very very good thing is that I am calling up all the schools in my area to tell them I found a small boys book of poetry. I found it yesterday in the street, and just like that, I has the perfect thing to do to prove to Santa that I am a good samartitsan.

cows by little boy
‘Cows’, by the little boy whose identity I am protecting.

So far I has had no luck :/ But I will return this book of poetry to its rightful owner. This, I can assour you. If I can get it back to him in time for Christhams Eve, even better.

And then I will receive so many presents I will grow three more eyes just to look at them all !

What has you done this year to earn your presents?

Mitties xx

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Christhams Countdown : Dec 19

reindizzle

What it is my friands ! Mitton favourite time approaches – Christhams ! Everyday I will be posting up a Christhams Treat for everybady to see, in the hopes of spreading my special favourite feelings – joy, togetherness, compassion, and money. On Christhams Eve this will culminate with a special episode of The Magic Cauldron, live on Fleet Fm, with special guests Professor Santos, The Fleet Kid, Hobs – and more to be confirmed ! Jesus Christ ! The one who was born on Christhams Day even !

Today let us begin the countdown to Christhams.

The best place to begin our talk about Christhams, is to begin to discuss our wants and needs for presents. Everybady has written a list of what they would like to receive for presents. If you do not write down a list of what you want for Christhams, you will not be able to remember, and feel angry or disaapointed ! And then the drinking wont be as much fun.

Here is my last years list, taken from my myspace account on Dec 13 2006 :

1. a new wizard suit

2. a tail that is white

3. a feeling of light silk sheets falling on my face

4. rocket boots that fit properly

5. a book about peoeple

7. infinity blueberries

10. one husbsand

8. assorted adhesives

9. someone to help me

What a lucky thing that I kept this list on the internet. Now I can see what a fail my last Christhams was ! And also, I dont have to write a new list. I can just add to this one.

What is your Christhams list ?

Mitton x

peace to the goodys

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Good Things and Bad Things for Monday.

lovely snail who is cuddly

Good Things I Did :

I saw a snail on our front steps and moved her to the side so she aint get hurt.

Bad Things I Did :

I took money from the kitchen table, and the other table also :/

shameola

Mitties

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Return of Mitton.

mitties

Hallo friand. It is me, Mitton. Remember me? I have been busy.

Now I am here to begin our relationship again. I know it might not be easy, I have been absent from your lives for some time, and things have changed. We might not be the same people we once were.

Today as I drove down a very steep hill I spied with my eye a very old lady, carrying a bag of groceries, walking very slowly up the hill. Poor old lady I tought to myself. She is old, her legs are tired from a long life. My lovely car is built to drive old ladies like this one up the hill, so they don’t has to use their weary muscles and be sad about the war. As i got to the bottom of the hill I tought, Mitton, you have been very bad and naughty lately. Karma is all over you like red wine, waiting to stain your rotten life. Turn around and go and get that old lady. It could be the start of your new chapter of goodyness.

I did turn around, and also I turned my music down and made the passenger seat all pretty. The old lady had a plastic bag on her head, which is a safety hazard, but also it meant she was possibly a bit unususual. I didn’t care. I had to go trough with this. I was afraid of what the fates would do to me next if I didn’t do this one thing. I got outs of the car and began to follow her up the hill. It was very steep.

Just as I almost reached her, she turned the corner and began to walk down a different street. The street was little and had houses on it. My good thing to do had passed me by. I stood on the steep hill halfway up and halfway down and watched the old lady wander into suburbia. I wondar if she will be there next week, at the same time at the same place. I will have to arrive half an hour earlier and wait at the bottom of the hill.

Until then though, I need to think of more good things to do. I have been lucky my entire life to get away with all the bad things I do. I cannot sleep at night sometimes :/

Little Trouble Girl by Sonic Youth

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Scrabulous & Eye

Hallo.

Remember the otter day when I talked about Facebook and how dumb I thought it was? Me too.

It was anti-anonymity, no-nonsense, and mature. Everything that Mitton is not !

Now it is months later. Things have changed. My hair has grown, I have given myself a pedicure, and I am addicted to Facebook.

Scrabulous & Eye

Facebook is a vast land, and also a giant onion. At first it may just seem like a place to find your old school friands, or remain connected to the people in your life you can’t be bottered speaking to anymore. Does anybady talk to anybady anymore? I hardly answer my telephone. It is not because I am popular, which I am – heaps. I am just tired, and online.

Online is where all the talking happens. But not a whole lot of talking happens, online.

I think the reason why Facebook is so popular is there is no need for talking. There is otter things instead. There is applications, like hugging people, and even gardens. These applications are the the hidden onion layers of the book of the faces.

onions cry

For me, there is one application in particular. It is Scrabulous. Scrabulous is bringing me gifts from the world. It is my new love, and I share this with you now.

As a very good speller since a young age, everybady always said I was born to do great things. I was very smart. The the internet came along and fucked shit up, big time. I became dumb, and stayed indoors alot more. I was robbed of my youth. However, several years later, I find I can redeem myself and claim some of my prior glory on Scrabulous. It is just like Scrabble, but less hazardous to young children who might choke on letters. You can play your friends and decide who is smarter. At the moment I am being beaten by my frieand Jeremy. In this case it doesnt actually mean he is smarter. It means he is cheating. How rotten of him.

Also, when you don’t have any friends to play Scrabulous with, you can play a robot. The robot is a real robot, who leases a space in New York that is just like the loft apartment in Big. Instead of working for a toy company though, he plays Scrabulous all the time. He plays against me alot. And he is super smart. He ususally beats Mittons by hundreds of points by using crazy words that don’t even exist, only in robot world. The point is, this robot is so glorious only someone with the power of ten dolphin brains could chance to beat him in a game of Scrabulous.

eye won scrabulous against the robot

Someone like Mitton to the power of ten dolphin brains, for exaemple !

Anyways, this was the real point of this blog post, to prove that I can beat robots at games. And Jeremy if you are reading I bet you never beat a robot at anything. Suckaer !

death of scrabulous robot

Check Scrabulous out on Facebook, you won’t be disappointed. You will however, be enthralled and incredibled.

M P 3 z :

MissTeenWordpower by The New Pornographers

The Word Is Out by The Sugarhill Gang

The Rise And Fall Of The Letter P by Lambchop

Mitties

xx

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Friday

pretend mouseses

Today at work a little baby mouse was found under a desk.

It was so so little that nobady was afraid of it.

One person said “Bite it’s head off !” Another person made it a house out of some fabric. Another person knitted it a jumper, but was lying because it had no sleeves.

I took it home with me in a shoe box. Motar said “Mittins, don’t get too attached to it.” I said “I won’t Motar !” I called the baby mouse Friday.

My Sizzle said to me “Mittins, the baby mouse is diseased and it is so so little it needs its own motars milk. It might not survive.”

I said “I know Sizzle.” We fed the baby mouse Friday some bread and cheese and carrots.

My Papa said to me “Be careful Mittins.” I nodded okay Papa. I put the shoe box near the heater so it would keep warm.

Motar said to me “You know we will have to set him free in the morning Mittins.”

I said “Yes Motar.”

On Monday at work everybady will ask Mittins “Where is the baby mouse Friday? Is the baby mouse alright?”

:/

Goodbye The Spice Girls

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