Monthly Archives: June 2007

shhh…it’s a secret

you know, there’s nothing i like more than a good, old fashioned secret or a right crafty idea. apart from maybe a lovely cheese and tomato sandwitch, handcrafted by my dear old sausage mitton. anyway. i was going to add a new & exciting secret to our ‘secrets’ page, when i chanced upon something rather splendid, on-web. it’s this rather dee-lightful site www.postsecret.com, the brainchild of one mr frank waren, which combines both a fistfull of secrets and a cunning scheme.

it’s a simple idea, as most of the good ones prove to be, namely an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard! brilliant! apparently it started way back when (nov ’04) when warren printed 3,000 self-adressed postcards and distributed them to the public; strangers in the street, left in library books and stuffed into sock drawers across the nation (the US). About 100 made their way back to him, and he thought that would be that, but no! to this very day, he continues to recieve secrets on postcards, and has over one hundred bloody thousand of them!

secret book

as well as the regularly updated website (which it is claimed to attract 3 million (crikey!) visitors a month), Frank Warren has also produced three (gasp!) deliciously humerous and poigniantly tragic books, jam-packed with all the scintillating secrets he has amassed. As well as featuring in gallery instalations, a travelling art exhibition, and a music vid for the All American Rejects, ‘Dirty Little Secrets‘, Warren has even been featured on some televisual programmes, like Today, 20/20, and, er, Fox News. Probably cos he’s won so many Bloggy & Webby awards. No small surprise, then, that it’s ranked as the 3rd most popular blog on the ‘net by New York magazine.

To further the hat-doffing in Mr Warren’s general direction, it must be mentioned that profits earned by his project go to a suicide hotline. in 2006, FW posted a plea for support for this help-line on his website, and in just one week, more than $30, 000 was raised by the kindness of a mere 900 visitors. eh? gives you something to think about, doesn’t it..

outlet

It should perhaps be noted that as well as such charming disclosures as above, the content of some of the secrets shared highlight the more dubious nature of our fellow men and women. this no doubt has contributed to the huge success of the project. people love to know that there are those who are worse off than themselves.

as you may well know, we here at The Magic Cauldron love a good secret! just have a look at our secrets page, oh ye of little faith. and have done for ages! honest, we’re no bandwagon-jumpers.. but saying that, if you happen to have a sordid lil’ secret to tell, why not send it to us?! we might even put it in a book. or on a T-Shirt if it’s really juicy!

 

 

 

 

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Mitties on Fleet Tonight

hot coat of arms !

Mittins will be filling in for old plum Richie on the Cher Bro Show tonight ! 7-9pm on Fleet FM.

Auckland 88.3

Welly 107.3

Internut Fleet Website

The Cher Bro Show is all New Zealand music. So that’s what Mittins will be playing.

EDITED TO ADD – the playlist !

Can’t Let You Down – Hollie Smith – from her debut album Long Player

Urban Maori – 4 Corners – from the album The Foundations

Crazy Yes Dumb No ! Remix – Mint Chicks feat. David Dallas – from Shot Then

Blue Skies – Die! Die! Die – from their Myspace page

My Friends – Motocade – Into the Fall EP

Lost Highway – The Hungry Eyes – from their Myspace page

2 Minute Noodles – Mareko

Just Roll – PNC – from his debut album Rookie Card

Sensation – Fan Club – Kiwi Classics Volume 5 !

I Want To Be Your Girlfriend – Bachelorette

8hr Crush – Frase+Bri

Sing – Wing – from her album Wing Sings the Carpenters

Flying Lizard (congo remix) – Grey Lynn Separatist Movement

Getaway – International Flannel

Come Back – Garageland

King Kong –Voom

Advice for Young Mothers To Be – The Veils from their album Nux Vomica

Elimination – Deceptikonz from their debut album Elimination !

Behold My Kool Style – Dam Native

Soft Rain – Bunny Walters – from The Very Best of Bunny Walters

The Enigma Pt. 1 – Con Psy a.k.a. David Dallas – from the Fuck Music Bootleg album

Mt. Maxxx – Goldenaxe!

And It Was Easy – Darcy Clay from his Ep Jesus I Was Evil

BBC Blues – Motocade Motocade

Spanish Goat Dancer – HLAH

Giving Up Is My New Morning Sun – Sam Flynn Scott

Midnight – Hammond Gamble

Also happy birthday to Andy who had his birthday today – the same day as his show ‘Beautiful Mess’ on Fleet 9-11pm !

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The History Of Televison.

hallo. do you want to hear a story about what happened when televison was born? well okay then, i will tell you. but you have to listean closely.

the hitsory of televison

one day, televison was born. everybady was so happy ! because now they didnt have to talk to anybady anymore. goody goody goody ! everybady could be quiet and no more talking and no more doing. talking and doing was o-v-e-r. now pepople could sit down more often and eat lots of snacks to keep warm like a bear. televison was here to stay and if you didnt have a televison you could get shot in the eyes. There was happiness everywhere. Little children were locked in the basement for days with the televison and grownups could watch babies being made. And when remote controls was born a few years later, nobady even needed legs anymore ! infact, some people chose to put their legs into the attic for storage. You see, What nobady realised was at the same time televison was born, so too was born couches.

couch is born

Couches was the disciples of televison. If you don’t believe me DO THE RESEARCH. There was no couaches before televison. Period. Couches was made just so that peoelple could watch televison for longer. And in later years, the same went for the couch that folds out into a bed. This was good for when grown ups watch baby making on televison, then try to re-enact it for themselves. When couches was born, people could sit longer to watch televison. What Good news ! This was pleasing to everybody, doublefold.

But it was all a cunning plan to hide the secret truths of it all.. The secret nobady realised !  couches was the evil hencheman of televison ! 

When you look at actors such as shannen dogerty or mayim bialik, would it surprise you to learn that these actors once sat on a couch such as yours? well it is true. But these people are different from you or i. because one day they sat on the couch for so so long, their very own couch swallowed them up and took them to televion land !  It is a complicated thing that happens, but it is true. And  also, frightening. How do you think people get inside televison for you to see? It is not complete magic ! the televison abducted them. and that is how they became actors.  Some of them will never be good actors and some of them get better and better as they are forced to live in televison land. Some of them like tina yothers are wonderful and go on to write autobiographies at the age of thirteen. But some others are destined to always struggle, or get drunk, like paula abdul. Even so, she gets paid a lot of monay, and alchohol is expansive on a daily  basis. 

where is paula

You may be listeaning to this and think to yourself “oh lovely ! I want to be an actor on the televison !” but remember a few things. one is, you will have to get some of your ribs removed, so you look skinny and not like the fat ones that watch you on the televison. Two is, you will never be allowed to blink your eyes. and if you do your eyelids will get sliced off and fed to susan lucci. Also, remember, if you want to be in televison land, you must sit on the couch for a very very long time. even if you sit on the couch for a whole month without moving, it is not long enough ! shannen Doherty had to sit on her couch for 86 weeks until televison would take her. Even then it tried to get rid of her sometimes ! but shannan Doherty is a gypsy with her own bag of tricks. Televison lost the battle. 

dohertease

The nessxt time you watch televison will be sooner than you think. It might be in the next second. you will not have to talk to anybody or look at their ugly faces. You can watch anything ! you don’t have to use your arms or legs to watch televison. Televison will be your friend when nobady likes you or wants you around. When you are an orphan televison will be your family. Televison will teach you how to make a baby, or make pot pourri. Televison will frighten burglars. Televison will help you get to sleep. Televison has Gilmore girls. televison will love me forever and ever.    

I hope you have enjoyed the history of televison. 

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2060 and before !

News Alrert ! 

Isaac Newton drops science and predicts the end of the world.

In Otter News :

APRA silver scrolls are open for nominations. The Mint Chicks will win. Everybady love Mint Chick.

Dawnrad is back in business, at least the t-shirt business ! psh-clink !

Does this mean they will produce album #2 for Mareko? Also does this mean Aaradhna will start appearing on Shortland Street? 

There might be a new funny show to watch on Thursday but it is on pretty late for a school night !

Finally, I know many TMC readers are wondering, and no, we have not yet received word from Ellen Degeneres, adopted motar of The Magic Cauldron. There must have been a problem at the post office or something.

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things spoke of

i thought i would add links to the many things we talked about on our show today !

The new coen brothers trailer No Country for Old Men.

pam from the us office has a rad myspace page !

jessica alba according to shenanigans “isn’t even that good looking”

you can get free tickets to pops ultimate star and see real genuine superstar celebrity pop stars. email tickets@touchdowntv.com

perhaps the origins of the phrase colder than a witches tit are revealed here.

newly adopted mother of tmc ellen degeneres wins prizes ! here is her shows website because we couldn’t find any amazing ellen links.

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too cold !

the view from the fleet window 

mittins & shenanigans were very brave to get out of bed this morning and bring you the magic cauldron.  (you can listen to the whole show here)

it was too cold !

playlist 

wake up – richard simmons
electric wire hustler flower – common
eddies go-go train – eddie g giles
gimme gimme octopus ! from the tv show.
una momento – fat cat and fishface

WEATHER REPORT ! by jarrod

when you were mine – cyndi lauper
you really didn’t mean it – carolyn franklin
the only one – dangermouse & jemini
ressurection – common (large professor mix)
marilu – telmary feat. los van van e interactive
take on me (demo) – aha
lost highway – the hungry eyes see their myspace
she’s crafty – beastie boys
angels wings – social distortion
cherry bomb – the runaways
precious memories – merle haggard
high on cruel – neko case
crazy? yes! dumb? no! (remix) – the mint chicks feat. david dallas you can download it at shot then
quit smoking – paul mckenna
the dark end of the street – gram parsons
supahero – aceyalone

special thanks to our studio guest brandise ! check out tmc next week we will be talking about different body parts.

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Mittins in Smurfland

mittins in smurfland 

‘Mittins in Smurfland’ by Mittins.

One day mittins went to bed because she was tired.  

But in the night her televison grew legs !

And it walked over to where mittin was sleeping an gobbled her up ! oh no !

Mittins woke up in a strange land. Everybody was bright colours and it hurt mittins eyes. Also they had blue faces. It was smurfland. Mittins said “oh no ! the televison gobbled me up and now I am in televison land !” mittins ran and ran through lots of paddocks with big mushrooms. 

“Hallo !” said a voice. “Who are you?”

“I am mittins.” said mittins.

“Hallo mittins. I am smurfette. I am so lonely. I am the only girl in the whole of smurfland. Will you be my freand?”

“I am busy” replied mittins. And mittins kept running through the paddock. Eventually mittins ran and ran until she reached gargamels.

“Gargamel !” yelled mittins. “It is me mittins ! open the door you old caboose !”

gargamel opened the door. “Who are you and why did you call me a caboose?” wallowed gargamel in self-loathing.

“I am mittins !” said mittins. And I have seen you on tv you are always being naughty and trying to eat all of the smurfs up !”

“because I am so lonely is why” said gargamel. “Will you be my frienand?”

No” said mittins. “I am busy.” Mittins took gargamels big cauldron and told gargamel to make her a cup of tea. Then mittins thought long and hard about what to put in the cauldron to help her get back to her house. What would work wondeared mittins.. then mittin realised ! 

Mittin killed all of the smurfs and put them in the cauldron, along with the mushrooms.

Everything went funny for a little while.

then a big roar came from the sky.

“Mittins !” cried the televison. “You have destroyed my televison show, the smurfs ! why did you do such a horribale thing !”

“because” mittins said, “I want to go home and be back in my bed ! you should not have gobbled me up ! you were naughty to do that !”

“but mittins” cried the televison, “you have killed all of the smurfs ! I cannot believe you have done such a thing ! its mass murder ! you have a black soul !” 

Its not true its not true !” Mittins ran and ran and ran until she stopped hearing the televison and her own thoughts. Then she went back to bed and never thought of the smurfs again. 

The end.

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The Curse of the Ugly Race

fanfic corner : the curse of the ugly race

the curse of the ugly race – by mittins.

one day upon a time, changler went to the cafe to get a coffee. but, when he got there there was no coffee beans left ! oh no ! he had to leave and go to a different cafe. but when he got there, there was ugly people in the cafe ! “oh my god !” changler said. “what is this race of aliens?” it was the race of uglies. and they came to find changler and his friends and d-e-s-t-r-o-y them all. they took changler into the restroom and put bees on his face. the bees ate away at his face until it was looking like a intricate piece of braile.

later that evening, at monicas apasrtment, phoeobe and joey was eating a pizza. the pizza was special, made of babies, to make them pretty and youthfful. also, joey was laugfing and pheone was playing a gatar. monica was cleaning. hahaha ! those friends.

the doorbell rang and it changler. :O oh dear god ! he was U-G-L-Y ! monica squaled in fright ! but it was too late. changler belong to the race of uglies now. he took monica and cut her nose off ! then he covered her face in sticky hot tar and cooked an egg on it.

joey ran for the door. but changler had a bag of old fat. it was a bag so big, like it came from a factory. he threw it on joey and all the fat congealed onto joey until he couldnt run anymore ! he was stuck inside of it ! like a big pound of butter.

the only way for joey to escape was to eat his way out of the fat. joey did it. but now joey was too fat inside and he died of a haat attack !

pheoebe ran out of the window and looked down at the street below. it was too far to jump. but she didnt want to be ugly. so she cried a bit. suddenly she turned around and there was monica ! she was a race of the uglies too now. pheoebe said “monica you are ugly !” and then monica hit her with a block of wood.

later that evening racherl came home from bloomingdales. what a day ! she felt like she was the most pretty of them all, even though she had not eaten any babies for a day or two. she fixed herself a long isaldn iced tea and mused over the days events.

THE END. 

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the best show. evah.

today was the best show. ever. were you there? or here or wherever? or did you miss it? that would be sad.. but fear ye not as we recorded it with the modern technologies at our disposal! and you can listen to it now, or whenever you like, by clicking on this here link!
our dear friend and confidant jarrod came and visited and played some of his finest musics, and we also had two great interviews. one with jeremy dillon from ‘mukpuddy‘, who won the auckland regional final of the 48 hour film competition. the magic cauldron wishes the mukpuddy crew all the best for the final! we think they deserve to win.. the other interview was with tim from ‘the hungry eyes‘, introducing his brand spanking, and quite frankly wonderful, new tune, ‘lost highway’ (you can download it if you click on the link). phew. whatta show indeed! so what follows now is the playlist. you may notice how many tunes we played. not cos we only played half of each song, but we were gifted another 2 hours from the fleet gods, as cat could not make it to her show.. sad for her, but glorius for tmc.

lose my breath – d. child (koppa remix)
fiesta (feat. athanai) – telmary
papi lover- daddy yankee
lynsay lohans revenge – spank rock
lost highway – the hungry eyes
crazy on you – blitzen trapper
back like that – ghostface killa feat Ne Yo
mukpuddy interview
cocaine – thicke
story time: lionheart by jennifer beck
run on for a long time – bill landford & the landfordaires
st joes infirmary (those gambler blues) – unknown artist
take notice – j. dilla feat. M.E.D
son of a preacher man – the gaylettes
hot in herre – jenny owen youngs
sixteen (bbc version) – sebadoh
like i love you – kelis vs the beatles
quiet storm – gregory issacs interview with tim, from the hungry eyes!
lost highway – the hungry eyes
waking up – elastica
que equivoca’o – telmary
atrevete te te vs rompe – calle 13 vs daddy yankee
yiddish blues – march forth
weapon conflict – the refugee all stars
it’s on – dj vadim
no love – roots manuva
m generation – patti smith
on parade – the goldman band
work song (uptight mix) – tosca
da doo run run – the crystals
trust in me – the fall
my rights versus yours – the new pornographers
dancing drums – ananda shankar
innocence – bjork
the bridge game – jeb and cousin easy
shroom music – quasimoto
now i holler – plastic little feat. spank rock
casting agents & cowgirls – busdriver
potrait of a masterpiece – the d.o.c
i wanna know your name – the intruders
beautiful world – thicke
rezo en la noche – beny more (y su banda gigante)
fake empire – the national
tonight – true bliss (this tune was placed on a sterilised slide and put under the microscope in our new segment, ‘pop’s ultimate autopsy’)

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Wing, by Mittins

My dream came true when Wing agreed to this interview which took place via fax machine a few days ago.

‘Wing’

by Mittins

Wing

photo courtesy www.wingmusic.co.nz

Mittins: When in your life did you first begin to really love singing?

Wing: “I liked singing since I was a little girl, but I had no chance to learn, as I took up public health as my first career. I had been working as a registered nurse and health visitor for more than ten years in Hong Kong before I immigrated to New Zealand.”

M: What made you decide to take your passion for singing further, and release your first album?

Wing: “I learn singing after I immigrated to New Zealand. After 5 years learning and performing in rest homes and hospitals I decided to move further to produce a cd of my own. I knew the patients and hospitals well. I got used to the groaning and moaning atmosphere there. I wanted to cheer them up. They do. They can enjoy my music.”

M: You have released a great number of albums and been on TV shows all around the world. What is the secret to your drive and success?

Wing: “I dont consider all those shows as my success. I still have plenty to learn and improve. I always want to sing better and sing more.”

M: Your current album Breathe is a very interesting mix of songs. Many of the songs you chose are more modern compared to your other albums. Is this a new direction for Wing?

Wing: “Yes. I like to try all different styles of music including both old and modern types.”

M: What do you think about modern music? Do you like New Zealand music?

Wing : “Honestly, I know very little music except vocal. I like New Zealand music. Its only no musician has introduced New Zealand music to me, and I dont know where to find it.”

M: What kind of album will be next for Wing?

Wing: “The new CD is under preparation. I hope to record the songs before August. I havent got a title yet. It will include Danny Boy, Feed the Birds, 9-5, Without You, One Voice, Seasons of Love, and One Whole New World.”

M: Are there any upcoming plans your fans should know about? 

Wing: “I’ll sing live more in the future. I’ll be singing and promoting my cds at Cafe Du Nord in San Fransisco on 21 August. And then I’ll move on to New York, including Universities in the North-East Coast of America. I’m hoping that lots of fans give me support when the time comes.”

M: Finally, what is your ultimate dream in singing? What would you most like to achieve?

Wing: “My dream will be singing a lead song for a big movie, and also to sing for a musical movie too, if the chance is given to me.
I like to make my music not only just for entertaining but as a tonic, strengthening when you are in the rain, wind and in pain. Just to give you good company throughout your whole life long. I would like to hear my music all over the world, every corner and everywhere.”

Wing plays at Cafe Du Nord (2170 Market Street, CA 94114, San Francisco, email keithk@cafedunord.com, ph 415-.861-5016) before moving on to New York to promote her music.

Be sure to check her website Wing Music for more information !

Mitties x

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