hallo. do you want to hear a story about what happened when televison was born? well okay then, i will tell you. but you have to listean closely.
one day, televison was born. everybady was so happy ! because now they didnt have to talk to anybady anymore. goody goody goody ! everybady could be quiet and no more talking and no more doing. talking and doing was o-v-e-r. now pepople could sit down more often and eat lots of snacks to keep warm like a bear. televison was here to stay and if you didnt have a televison you could get shot in the eyes. There was happiness everywhere. Little children were locked in the basement for days with the televison and grownups could watch babies being made. And when remote controls was born a few years later, nobady even needed legs anymore ! infact, some people chose to put their legs into the attic for storage. You see, What nobady realised was at the same time televison was born, so too was born couches.
Couches was the disciples of televison. If you don’t believe me DO THE RESEARCH. There was no couaches before televison. Period. Couches was made just so that peoelple could watch televison for longer. And in later years, the same went for the couch that folds out into a bed. This was good for when grown ups watch baby making on televison, then try to re-enact it for themselves. When couches was born, people could sit longer to watch televison. What Good news ! This was pleasing to everybody, doublefold.
But it was all a cunning plan to hide the secret truths of it all.. The secret nobady realised ! couches was the evil hencheman of televison !
When you look at actors such as shannen dogerty or mayim bialik, would it surprise you to learn that these actors once sat on a couch such as yours? well it is true. But these people are different from you or i. because one day they sat on the couch for so so long, their very own couch swallowed them up and took them to televion land ! It is a complicated thing that happens, but it is true. And also, frightening. How do you think people get inside televison for you to see? It is not complete magic ! the televison abducted them. and that is how they became actors. Some of them will never be good actors and some of them get better and better as they are forced to live in televison land. Some of them like tina yothers are wonderful and go on to write autobiographies at the age of thirteen. But some others are destined to always struggle, or get drunk, like paula abdul. Even so, she gets paid a lot of monay, and alchohol is expansive on a daily basis.
You may be listeaning to this and think to yourself “oh lovely ! I want to be an actor on the televison !” but remember a few things. one is, you will have to get some of your ribs removed, so you look skinny and not like the fat ones that watch you on the televison. Two is, you will never be allowed to blink your eyes. and if you do your eyelids will get sliced off and fed to susan lucci. Also, remember, if you want to be in televison land, you must sit on the couch for a very very long time. even if you sit on the couch for a whole month without moving, it is not long enough ! shannen Doherty had to sit on her couch for 86 weeks until televison would take her. Even then it tried to get rid of her sometimes ! but shannan Doherty is a gypsy with her own bag of tricks. Televison lost the battle.
The nessxt time you watch televison will be sooner than you think. It might be in the next second. you will not have to talk to anybody or look at their ugly faces. You can watch anything ! you don’t have to use your arms or legs to watch televison. Televison will be your friend when nobady likes you or wants you around. When you are an orphan televison will be your family. Televison will teach you how to make a baby, or make pot pourri. Televison will frighten burglars. Televison will help you get to sleep. Televison has Gilmore girls. televison will love me forever and ever.
I hope you have enjoyed the history of televison.